Where Your Heart Is
by gizziefan118
Summary: Meredith left Seattle when she could no longer take the drama with Derek. But then he is in an accident and she realizes that she has to go back and face it before he's gone and she loses that chance. MerDer. Oneshot.


Hello everyone. This is the first oneshot I've written, so I don't know how good it is. I was just bored and felt like writing one and trying it out. I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think. Thank you! Rosalie

Meredith was sitting by herself at home, watching TV without really being interested in it. Today had been a long day at work. She was still learning in her first year as a neurosurgeon. She would get as…as good as Derek for a while. But she planned on making it that far. She planned on being better. Anything to show him who she really was.

She sighed and turned off the TV. Her mind had traveled to Derek again. She had been gone for over a year now and still he came back to haunt her. She didn't know why. She wished that she could just forget about him and move on. But she did know why she still thought of him often. It was because she still loved him. He was the first man that she had ever truly loved. She wasn't even sure if anyone would ever come close to Derek. He was her McDreamy.

"No," she told herself out loud. "Don't think about it. It's done, it's over."

Now she just felt stupid for talking to herself. But someone had to say it to her. No one else even knew about her troubles with Derek. No one here anyway.

It wasn't as if she was that far away; she could be in Seattle in half an hour. But that didn't change anything. She didn't even talk to her friends that much anymore. They had tried for a while to get her to come back, but of course they never succeeded. She stayed firm on her decision. Then they still spoke to her after they gave up, still heavily hinting what she was missing out on. But then they called less and less, and she called them less and less. Pretty soon she probably wouldn't talk to them at all. They'd go on with their lives and forget about Meredith Grey, except on rare occasions in which she vaguely crossed their minds. This thought scared her, but it was true. It was true as far as she was concerned at least.

She hadn't spoken to Derek since she had left. She had told him straight out she did not want to talk to him, and she did not want to see him. She needed him to leave her alone so she could function. She could not function if the thing-person-she was trying to escape kept on creeping up on her. And he had actually respected what she wished. She knew that he did not want to. But he also saw this for what it was; she wanted nothing to do with him any longer. Meredith had instructed her friends to not give him her information on where she was. But even if they had she still didn't think he would do anything. It wouldn't be that hard to find her after all. It wasn't as if she had gone into hiding.

She did not want to think about this anymore tonight. All she wanted was to go to bed with a Seattle-less mind so she could maybe get some sleep. She stood up off the couch and turned the light off. She went into the kitchen to get a drink before going in her room. She had just opened the fridge when the phone rang. She looked around uncertainly. Why would she get a call this late in the night? Why would anyone even call her? She never got calls, especially not this late at night.

It rang again so she went over and picked it up after a moment of debating it. She said in an awkward voice, "Hello?"

"Hi," a voice answered her back, one she had not heard in a awhile. It was ironic how things like this seemed to happen to her.

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1 hour before

Derek sat with Mark at Joe's bar, enjoying the nice flow of alcohol. He had lost a patient today in surgery, when he had thought everything was going well. This happened a lot in the life of a surgeon, but it was never easy to get used to. People trusted that you would take care of them…and you don't. It was a vicious cycle but it was life. At least he could say he did everything he could. Most of the time.

He sipped his drink again and his thoughts wandered to Meredith Grey. He had been sitting in this very spot the night that he met her. She was just a girl in the, and he was just a married man looking for an escape. Also what you could call a guy in a bar.

He hadn't spoken to her in more than a year. Yet still his mind would wander it to. He's wonder how she was doing. He wondered if she had anyone else in her life. Someone better than him. He supposed that was what she deserved, since he had apparently not been good enough. He had thought of going to find her, just so he could know and it would stop torturing him. He asked her friends, but they replied with "I don't know." Sometimes he knew they were lying, but others he was sure they were telling the truth. He was quite convinced that she had even separated herself from them too.

"It happens," Mark suddenly said, bringing Derek out of his thoughts. "It's happened before and it'll happen again. It isn't your fault. You were his best chance at survival."

"Yeah," Derek replied. Mark had thought his lack of awareness had been because he was focused on his patient. And Derek liked it better that way. If he were to tell him that he as thinking of Meredith, Mark would probably slap him upside the head and tell him to stop pining for her. It was never going to happen after all.

"I think I'm gonna head out," Derek announced. "I think I'm ready for a good nights' sleep."

"Do you want me to drive?" Mark asked. "Can't have you falling asleep behind the wheel."

"No, it's fine. I'm good." Derek put his coat on. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright," Mark sighed. "But if you fall asleep behind the wheel, I'm not going to feel guilty."

"Well you won't have to," Derek responded as he turned around and left.

It was dark outside. The hour was already getting late. He was going to go home, take a nice hot shower, and maybe get an hour or two of sleep. Good sleep that didn't involve Meredith's face looking at him and saying, "I can't do this anymore."

He pulled his keys out as he crossed the street. Maybe he shouldn't go to that bar anymore. It only brought back thoughts of a long over relationship that he really did not want to think about. He didn't even want to remember it anymore.

There was a loud revving sound and he turned to see a car speeding towards him. It had not stopped at the stop sign like it was supposed to. Instead it was about to run into the renowned neurosurgeon.

Derek saw everything moving in slow motion. He tried to get out of the way, but the car was going to fast and his moment of shock had ruined his chances of walking away merely startled.

The man in the car looked up and suddenly slammed on his breaks. But the car did not stop before it got to the man in the street. The car rammed into him, and that was the last picture Derek had in his mind before everything went black; a car coming too fast and too close.

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"Cristina?" Meredith said in surprise. "Why are you calling?"

"Aren't you so enthusiastic to talk," Cristina said coolly.

"No-it's not that I don't want to," Meredith said quickly, "it's just that you never call, especially this late at night."

"I know," Cristina sighed. "I wasn't going to call you at all in fact, but I think it might be a good idea. Or a very bad one. I thought you could decide."

"What happened?" Meredith said, her heart beating quickly. It was something not good, she knew that much. And not good news made her day even worse. And she didn't want that. She didn't want to know.

"It's about Derek, actually," Cristina said. "That's the reason that I hesitated about calling you."

"Derek?" Meredith repeated. "Why would you call me about Derek?"

"Because there was an accident," Cristina told her, her voice uncertain. "He was hit by a car. Apparently a hit and run."

Meredith gripped the phone tightly. "Well is he going to be okay?"

"They don't know," Cristina sighed. "He's in surgery. But there's a good chance he may not make it. I thought since he might…that you'd want to know. Just in case."

Meredith's breath caught in her throat. This could not be happening. Not now, not ever. He was always there.

Well maybe not always.

"I'll be there in a half hour tops," Meredith said and hung up the phone. She was sure that Cristina had said something, but she really didn't care. She was thinking about Derek dying and she not being able to ever tell him the truth.

She stood there andet the shock take over for just a moment. Once it passed, she grabbed her coat and quickly walked out of the door, not even locking it behind her.

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"She's coming here?" George said in disbelief after Cristina explained what happened. "Now?"

"Yes, now," Cristina said impatiently.

"He won't be out of surgery for a while," George pointed out. "And they don't even know if-"

"I had to call her, okay?" Cristina snapped. "She would kill me if I didn't."

"But-"

"What if Izzie had gotten in an accident and was dying? Would you not want me to let you know? Or would you like to find out when you opened a newspaper or decided to visit ten years down the road?"

He just looked at her.

"Exactly," Cristina said firmly. "Now go and tell Alex and Izzie that she's coming."

"Fine," he said without any further argument.

Cristina sighed. It had been a long time since she had seen Meredith. And it was horrible that they had to see each other again because of this. It wasn't the kind of homecoming one would want. She didn't even know how Meredith would react to this. She didn't know anything about her anymore. She had left, and she had made it clear that she never wanted to come back.

_"So your just gonna get up and leave?"_

_"I have to," Meredith said as she packed her suitcase. "I can't function here. All I think about is Derek, and I really need that to stop."_

_"You think running away is going to make you stop thinking about him?"_

_"Well not seeing him will surely help a whole hell of a lot." Meredith closed her case and looked at her best friend. "I need to do this, okay? If I really could stay here I would. But this...I need this. I'm thinking of myself, because you are the only person you have in this world, no matter what anyone says."_

_They looked at each other for several moments. There was a moment where they almost hugged, but Cristina's desire to keep her personal space, plus the fact that nothing had really sunk in yet, made them stay away from each other and just communicate the only way they could. Silently._

_"Alright," Cristina finally said, though she didn't want to. "If you want to go, go. I can't stop you."_

_Meredith looked at her uncertainly. Maybe she even wanted her to stop her. _

_"No," Meredith agreed. "So I guess...?"_

_"I'll see you," Cristina finished._

_"Yeah," Meredith said sadly._

_They looked at each other for a few more moments. But Meredith became overwhelmed with the situation and left. Her final goodbye was, "Don't tell Derek anything."_

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"Hey," Izzie said when she saw George coming up. "Did you hear anything about Derek?"

"Meredith's coming," he announced instead.

She looked surprised. "You called her?"

"No, Cristina did. But she's coming. Soon."

Izzie looked away. "You haven't heard anything about Derek?"

George shook his head. Izzie nodded and looked at him again.

"How do you think she's gonna take this?"

"I don't know," George sighed. "But she's wasting no time getting here. So she wants to be here."

"Well yeah," Izzie said. "I hope he makes it through. It'll crush her if he doesn't."

"They've been apart for so long-" George started.

"Which is what will crush her," Izzie said. "All we can do is hope that he makes it through now."

"Yeah," George said, feeling helpless. Everyone felt helpless.

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Meredith hurriedly got out of her car and rushed into the building. It was strange, coming back here. Shehad been gone for such a long time...and she really hadn't planned on ever setting foot inside ther again. Too many bad memories. And she had a feeling she was about to make more tonight.

She did not really plan on talking to anyone. All she wanted to do was find out if Derek was okay. And of course she had to run into someone, the one person that she wouldn't want to: Lexie Grey.

"Meredith!" Lexie said in surprise once she realized it was her sister that she nearly knocked over in the hallway. "On my-are you here foe Derek?"

"Do you know how he is?" Meredith asked, wanting to get to the point.

"No," Lexie said shaking her head. "I haven't heard anything."

Meredith sighed impatiently and walked around her.

"Wait!" Lexie said, though Meredith ignored her. "Are you going-?"

"I have to go Lexie," Meredith called back impatiently, and vanished around the corner. Lexie stood there looking after her. She wished that she could do something to help. Buut Meredith didn't want her anywhere near her, that hadn't changed. Maybe it was just because she was upset about Derek. Maybe she wouldn't mind talking later when things calmed down.

"Yeah right," Lexie said to herself, and went back on her way.

Meredith walked as quickly as she could without runnung. The hospital seemed to be much bigger than she remembered it. She just wanted to get there, and everything seemed to go on forever. She didn't even know wher exactly she was supposed to go. She was waiting to find out, hoping the answer would hit her on the way.

Then smeone again called her name, but Meredith greeted this person better than she did her sister. "Cristina," she said in belief as she walked up to her. "What's going on? How is he?"

Cristina opened her mouth to say I don't know. But then she stopped and pointed behind Meredith, who turned around quickly to see the chief of surgery walking towards them.

"Meredith," the chief said when he saw her.

"Do you know anything?" she asked hurriedly. He looked at her for a moment.

"Yes," he answered.

"Well then?" Meredith said impatiently, though she really wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.

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She was tired. It was now morning, the time that she should actually be getting up to go to work. But she wasn't. Her feet were glued to the hospital floor, though she thought it would be much better if she left. But she just couldn't do that. Not now. She wasn't even sure if she'd be able to go back to the way she had been living, not after this happened. Thought, she didn't know if she could come back here either.

Derek had made it through the surgeries okay. Now they were just waiting to see how he held out. He hadn't awoken yet. It bothered Meredith how different he looked. He did not look like her McDreamy, that was for sure. He was pale and his face was cut, and there was no sign of that smile that had made her melt on his face. She hated the person that did this to him. But as of that moment, they didn't know who did it. Hopefully soon enough they'd get caught. Or maybe they'll walk out in front of a car. Either way it would turn out satisfying.

She had been in the room for a while. They didn't know when he'd wake up. They didn't even know if he'd ever wake up. There were so many frightening possibilities that she did not want to thinkabout, but did anyway. That was the bad thing about being a doctor. You couldn't be blissfully ignorant to all the facts and outcomes.

There was a sudden movement. He had shifted slightly. She sat up straight.

"Derek?" she said clearly. "Derek, can you hear me? It's me. Meredith."

"Meredith?" Even through the hoarsness she could tell it was a voice of surprise. He slowly opened his eyes and she nearly cried. She hadn't felt this way in a long while: happy, and relieved. He was alive. And she had the chance.

"What happened?" he asked.

"You were hot, by a car in front of Joe's," Meredith explanied. "They had to do some surgery on you, but you're going to be okay now. You're going to be okay."

She gave him a small smile, and he returned it. Things seemed much clearer for Meredith now. She shouldn't have left. Life was too short. It just took this to make her see it.

"I'll be here," she assured him. "I'll be here for now on."

"Promise?" he whispered.

She smiled again. "I promise. I'm not leaving again. I love you. I never stopped and I never will."


End file.
